Before I?m written off as another anti-establishment, anti-Microsoft whiner, allow me to say that I?m a software developer who uses Microsoft products almost exclusively. I believe that MS makes great software, or they buy the other firms that do so. I have no problem with that. More power to them. But I have to tell everyone I can about my recent experiences with the Microsoft Network (MSN). In one short month MSN has provided me with the single worst Internet service and customer service experience of my life.

I?m no technical wonder, but I know my way around a computer enough to ask the right questions before switching Internet service providers. One of my main concerns was my use of a pre-existing e-mail account through Outlook 2000. I asked the appropriate questions, and got all the right answers regarding MSN. I waited for a good deal, and when I found it I acted. As I expected, the MSN software was solid and easy to use.

Suddenly, a red flag! I couldn?t send e-mail (though I was receiving it with no problem). Little did I know that this was a sign of the abysmal future that would be mine. My concerns were quickly put to rest (for the moment) when I read the error message that was generated when Outlook tried to send mail. Right in the error message was a URL that pointed to a page with instructions on how to correct the problem. Without a single call to tech support I was able to fix it. Life was good, and Microsoft had once again proven itself. I wish that things had not worked out so well, as I would have been spared much grief and pain by ending service right then--almost before it started.

I was not surprised to find that the solution was to direct all my outgoing e-mail through MSN?s SMTP servers as this is typical of most ISPs, though I was annoyed at having to authenticate with the server. Authentication involved having to enter a password every time Outlook attempted to send mail, but I quickly got over this minor irritation. For a week or so, everything was fine.

Then, in a flash of brilliance and good will toward their subscribers, MSN decided block all e-mails sent by their Internet service customers that were not sent from an MSN e-mail account. As if that wasn?t asinine enough, they didn?t bother to tell anyone--including their tech support people. Though I suspected right away, it took me about a week (and a dozen encounters with tech support) to put it all together. At first it appeared that perhaps I just had a password problem. I could connect to the Internet just fine, but Outlook could not connect to the outgoing mail server. If I talked to five different support reps (oh yea, they?re called engineers--my mistake), I got five different answers. Most of them would talk about the ?server upgrades? that were taking place. One of them even told me that everything would be okay once the upgrades were in place. This, he said, would be complete by the morning of October 8, 2002.

Did I believe this? Of course not. I worked tech support for a few years, and I know how to blow off a caller as well as the next guy. But I also learned a magical phrase: ?I don?t know.? Five calls yielded four different (and equally inept) solutions and one afore-mentioned blow off. More than half a dozen chat sessions amounted to more of the same. (By the way, can you find the link to the tech support chat tool? I knew there must be one somewhere, but it took me two days to locate it.) I?m pretty sure that the majority of the reps--er... engineers I mean--I worked with didn?t have the first clue what SMTP is. I honestly felt that they were searching some internal database and then guessing at which canned response they should give me. I had no perception of any actual knowledge on the other end of the line. To be fair, the last rep I spoke with did actually indicate that I would no longer be able to use Outlook to send mail in this manner. Notice that this was the last rep I talked to--once I got an accurate answer I could stop wasting my time and theirs.

I was very polite to the technical support engineers as I know they have zero power to change policy, little or no apparent training, and a true communication breakdown somewhere above them in the company hierarchy. Why the hell didn?t someone simply send an e-mail or post a bulletin or a technical article or send a freaking memo to tech support simply stating that the company was going to block all outgoing third-party e-mail?

?Dear Valued Customer,

Please bend over and grab your ankles. Though this raping will never actually end, it will probably only hurt for a few weeks. Thank you for your patronage.?

I love Outlook. It?s the best piece of personal-management software ever written. I appreciated it even more after copying and pasting who-knows-how-many e-mail messages from my inbox and numbers of e-mail addresses from my contact list into the web interface provided by my e-mail service. After about two weeks of this (and after the rape-induced bleeding finally stopped) I gave up hope of finding any other solution, and I instated automatic mail forwarding from my beloved and long-time e-mail provider to my MSN e-mail account. Once I made this resolution I felt a lot better and thought that I had probably overblown the problem. I?d just set up Outlook to gather my e-mail from MSN and I?d hardly know the difference.

If it had been that easy, I would never have bothered to write this. With the new settings in Microsoft?s premiere contact management client (i.e. e-mail client) attempting to POP Microsoft-provided e-mail from Microsoft?s premiere Internet service, I cannot now either send or receive e-mail. Yes, you understood correctly: after doing what MSN has all but forced me to do (and what their support people suggested), their e-mail service has gone from less-effective to absolutely ineffective! More calls and chats with incompetent tech support engineers and more varied but still useless solutions. It seems that Outlook 2000 cannot be configured to POP a Hotmail (a.k.a. MSN) e-mail account. One engineer proposed a workaround. I can create a folder in my Outlook bar that is a shortcut to the Hotmail login page. Neat! I learned that I can use Outlook like a web browser! However, I cannot use Outlook as an e-mail client.

?Dear Valued Customer,

Since you?re down there anyway, please remain still while we see how many ways we can violate you. We are sorry for any inconvenience this may cause, including but not limited to the bleeding, and we still appreciate your patronage.?

So I?m left to wonder why I paid hundreds of dollars for the substandard MS Office Suite (yes, I actually bought it). I?d like find out how little time it would take me to cancel my MSN subscription, but that ?good deal? I mentioned earlier involved a two-year contract. Well, MSN may have my pants down around my ankles, but they can?t stop me from screaming. May it ring from sea to shining sea: ?MSN SUCKS.?